Photo by August de Richelieu
Presented by Elizabeth Sautter & Dr. Rebecca Branstetter
Tags: mindset, parenting, social-emotional, tips
Resource: Free Webinar & PDFs
What to DO when your child is struggling
- Possible struggles/challenges:
- Motivation issues
- Emotional outbursts
- Withdrawals
- Frustration
Change in Mindset #1
- My child is giving me a hard time –> My child is HAVING a hard time
- Shifts the energy
- Challenges can be amplified or popping up because of current circumstances
The Iceberg Theory
- Top (Overt Behaviour): withdrawn, sadness, anxiety, anger
- Below: dysregulation, communication challenges, executive functioning challenges
- Always make sure to check below the water line
- We need to check our lenses
- “Kids do well if they can.” – Ross Greene
- Parents do well if they can.
- Children (and adults) thrive with structure and predictable routines
- Reduces anxiety
- Helps to get ready for what’s expected
- Creates a sense of normalcy in an unusual time
- Re-structure your routines as situations change
Survival Kit Tip #1: Build out a family schedule and collaborate with your child when it’s not working
- Family’s School Schedule
- A collaboration tool
- Allows for collaborative reflection on what worked or didn’t work
- Helps to build social-emotional skills
- Kids will listen if they feel heard
- Daily Schedule for a Balanced Mind and Body
What to SAY when your child is shutting down or acting out
Change in Mindset #2
- My child is choosing to act out, withdraw or resist my parenting strategies –> A child’s basic needs must be met before they are able to achieve high level needs/thinking
- “Invisible” basic needs such as connection and safety are just as critical for learning as primary needs like food and water
Frontal Lobe vs. Brain Stem
- The Rational Brain (frontal lobe): thinking, reasoning, problem-solving, self-control, self-regulation
- The Reactive Brain (brain stem): fight, flight, freeze, faint, survival mode
- The brain doesn’t know the difference between types of stressors
- When your child is in “reactive brain” their brain is not available for learning
- When YOU are in “reactive brain” your brain is not available for teaching effectively
- The reality is, problem-solving cannot happen until both you and your child’s brains are out of “reactive brain”
- You need to calm your nervous system before you can problem-solve
“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm. Not join their chaos.” – L. R. Knost
Survival Kit Tip #2: Don’t join the chaos, co-regulate to calm the cortisol
- Words that Work for Co-Regulation
- Scripts for when your child is in “reactive brain”
- Helps to shift lens and dynamic
- Leaning in with empathy helps to teach self-regulation skills and empathy
What to TEACH your child to foster long-term social-emotional skills
Change in Mindset #3
- Social-emotional learning is an ADD ON. I do not have time or skills to teach my child –> Social-emotional learning is an ADD IN to your everyday life
- One of the most powerful tools for social-emotional learning is teaching your child mindfulness
- “Mindfulness is paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience, moment to moment.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn
Three Key Benefits of Mindfulness for Children and Teens
- Better attention and learning skills
- Improved social, emotional, and behavioural skills
- More resilient
Survival Kit Tip #3: Sprinkle in mindful activities throughout your day
- Mindfulness Resources to Teach Your Child
- The Benefits of Mindfulness Practice
- Books to Read to Kids
- Apps for Kids
YOU are enough. You are a GREAT parent. You are doing the BEST you can.
More from Elizabeth Sautter & Dr. Rebecca Branstetter
WEBSITE DISCLAIMER
This website is provided only for informational purposes and not intended to be used to replace professional advice, treatment or professional care. Always speak to your physician, healthcare provider or pediatrician if you have concerns about your own health or the health of a child.